I know…

I know you didn’t set out to have an affair

I know you were in pain before you committed this sin

I know the pain from before is still there, and it’s now compounded with more heartache, shame, sorrow, guilt, intense conflict, loneliness, hopelessness, disgust and judgement

I know what it’s like to be truly sorry and no one believes you

I know it’s hard to forgive yourself

I know others question your sincerity

I know you want so badly to turn back time

I know you feel ugly and wretched

I know what it feels like to want to peel your skin off as if it will somehow remove the grotesque feeling of being an adulterer.

I know you feel like an outcast

I know you want to just go back to one of those moments when you should have just ran!

I know the future is so dark

I know all seems hopeless

I know you just want the pain to stop

I know you want to call him…(please don’t)

I know you feel desperately alone

I know it doesn’t seem like it will ever be better

I know the thoughts about ending your life

I know the flashbacks are gut-wrenching

I know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night hoping it was all just a nightmare, only to find out it actually happened.

In horror, I too have said “WHAT DID I DO?!!!!

I know this is not who you are

I know you’ve been accused of more sin than what you committed

I know what it’s like to be the topic of gossip

I know untruths are being spread about you

I know trying to straighten out the facts makes it worse

I know you are being looked at with disdain

I know how it feels to have people ‘turn white’ at the sight of you which makes you feel like some monster

I know what it’s like to lose close friends

I know going backwards is so much easier than going forward

I know you’ve lost a lot!

I know how badly Satan wants to keep you down

I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better

I know you want something good to come out of this

I know you want to fix it somehow

I know what it feels like to be shunned

I know that the church should be the most helpful, but it can be the most hostile

I know that the days will get less heavy

I  know God has a purpose for your failure and pain

I know with His strength you WILL get through

I know it can feel God has left you

I know it can feel like God isn’t listening as you are crying out to Him

I know He is always with you and He always hears your words

I know He is already working in your circumstances

I know God loves you so much and He thinks you are beautiful, a treasure, and He delights in YOU!

The Irony is Painful

Although there are probably numerous scenarios that led to an affair, I believe most of it reduces down to feeling an emotional void or hole and allowing yourself to fill it in an illegitimate way.  In my marriage, I felt ignored, unappreciated, unloved.  Then someone else noticed me, appreciated what I did, and it made me feel loved.   Well, once the affair was revealed and that illegitimate love was ripped away, those initial feelings, longings, heartaches from before the affair were NOTHING compared to the heartache, loneliness, and rejection that I felt afterward.  I went from significant heartache prior to the affair, to feeling loved (although illegitimate), to devastating rejection… even hatred once the affair was revealed.  The pain that I experienced was so intense it seemed to constrict every vein in my body.  If one could only truly understand how an affair is only going to cause things to be so much worse for them personally (let alone those left in the wake of the sin), it would make them turn and flee!