Who do you as the other woman turn to when you need to talk through what is happening, what you are feeling, and looking for counsel on what to do? The choices are limited, and healthy options can be hard to find. For those who are close to you, who you would naturally confide in, you may discover that his or her trust of you has been compromised to say the least, and for some their trust of you has been shattered. In those cases sharing your heart may not be something he or she is ready to listen to, as they may be listening to you through raw emotions. Your words may be weighed more heavily than you assumed and your motives are being scrutinized. For a while going forward, much of what you have done or will do will be suspect because he or she never thought for a moment that you would be involved in an affair, so he or she may wonder what else you are hiding. These reactions, although completely valid, are not positive experiences for the Other Woman and it can be quite painful and traumatic. If you encounter enough of these situations, it may keep you from reaching out to others for help which then can lead to isolation and a stronghold of despair.
On the other end of the spectrum, you may encounter a friend or family member who is so filled with compassion for you that they may do their best to keep you from feeling shame and rejection. To accomplish this they may minimize or even accept your sin, just as long as you are happy. He or she may attempt to justify your wrong choices and/or steer you away from dealing with the reality of consequences. Naturally their judgement-free attention to you is going to feel so good compared to the icy reception you may receive from others that the tendency is to stick close to them. This however can keep you from dealing with your spiritual depravity, can drive a wedge in restoring relationships, and ultimately hurt you more by prolonging your recovery.
What I found most helpful was to see a christian family therapist. His counsel was Christ-based (spoken in truth and love), emotionally uninvolved, unbiased, and he has experience talking with people at their worst. He provided compassion yet made me accountable for my actions. After seeing me one on one for a number of sessions, he had my husband join the therapy sessions as we navigated the stormy waters of reconciliation. My husband and I also counseled with our pastor and another elder for about 8 months, and although there was good counsel that came of it, we felt a bias was present even from these individuals who we assumed would be above this. I do not say this to sway you from going to your church for help, because I think it’s a great, and for the most part, safe place to seek help. In fact that’s the first place we turned! I say this only to point out that church leaders are human and can be swayed by emotion and outside influences.
Bottom line, you NEED to talk about what you are going through; how you got there; and where you go from here. Please don’t bottle it up inside, but as you seek out who you will open up to, ask God to direct your path and present who He feels would be best for your situation. Remember, He loves YOU as dearly as anyone of His other children and wants what is best for His lovely daughter.