You are welcome here…

This blog was created mainly for women who have had affairs, but I know women who have struggled with any kind of sexual sin are looking for the same things: love, understanding, forgiveness and hope from a Godly perspective.  After having committed sexual sins and now suffering the consequences, the road is difficult and can be very lonely.   The posts come from emotions, circumstances, losses, struggles that I’ve experienced and how, as one who has repented of my actions, has and still is seeking God’s truth about redemption, reconciliation, restoration, and God’s plan for the future.

My hope is that this space will remain a safe place to share stories, relay our struggles, find acceptance, promote accountability and give an opportunity to encourage others in the healing process.  I will monitor comments in light of these goals.   For those who have not had affairs, please be gentle, I am fairly confident that those who have the label of ‘the Other Woman’ are acutely aware of their failures and have been thoroughly judged by those who are not in a position to judge.  Remember…we are all a few small steps from devastating failure.

Your sister in Christ;

His Daughter too


God loves YOU

He LOVES you!  It may seem the world hates you vehimately for what you have done, but God loves you infinitely.  If you are a parent of a child you’ll understand a little of how God’s love works.  As a parent you know no one loves your child as you do.  You know that when they do wrong, and others judge them, one of your natural instincts may be to want to say “yeah, but you don’t know him or her the way I do. I know they did wrong and I’m so sorry they hurt you, but they do have a good heart, they just made a mistake.  If you just knew them like I did, you’d understand how special they are. Give them another chance.  Don’t write them off because of this.”  And as a parent you could go on and on.

I believe that is why God created family units as they are, because no one will love a child like their parent does.  Husbands and wives will divorce, after proclaiming their undying love to another previously, but the bond between a parent and child is like no other!  Its primal; it’s deep and that is just an inkling of the way God the father loves you.  His bond to you is TIGHT.  You are precious to Him.

If you don’t already know, the world will judge you, turn from you and may not forgive you for what you’ve done, but you will need to push that knowledge out of your mind and just focus on the love of your Father in heaven.  He will ALWAYS LOVE YOU.  He’ll love you tenderly, and specifically, and purposefully and eternally.

Take Care in Confiding

Who do you as the other woman turn to when you need to talk through what is happening, what you are feeling, and looking for counsel on what to do?  The choices are limited, and healthy options can be hard to find.  For those who are close to you, who you would naturally confide in, you may discover that his or her trust of you has been compromised to say the least, and for some their trust of you has been shattered. In those cases sharing your heart may not be something he or she is ready to listen to, as they may be listening to you through raw emotions.  Your words may be weighed more heavily than you assumed and your motives are being scrutinized. For a while going forward, much of what you have done or will do will be suspect because he or she never thought for a moment that you would be involved in an affair, so he or she may wonder what else you are hiding.  These reactions, although completely valid, are not positive experiences for the Other Woman and it can be quite painful and traumatic. If you encounter enough of these situations, it may keep you from reaching out to others for help which then can lead to isolation and a stronghold of despair.

On the other end of the spectrum, you may encounter a friend or family member who is so filled with compassion for you that they may do their best to keep you from feeling shame and rejection. To accomplish this they may minimize or even accept your sin, just as long as you are happy. He or she may attempt to justify your wrong choices and/or steer you away from dealing with the reality of consequences. Naturally their judgement-free attention to you is going to feel so good compared to the icy reception you may receive from others that the tendency is to stick close to them.  This however can keep you from dealing with your spiritual depravity, can drive a wedge in restoring relationships, and ultimately hurt you more by prolonging your recovery.

What I found most helpful was to see a christian family therapist.  His counsel was Christ-based (spoken in truth and love), emotionally uninvolved, unbiased, and he has experience talking with people at their worst. He provided compassion yet made me accountable for my actions.  After seeing me one on one for a number of sessions, he had my husband join the therapy sessions as we navigated the stormy waters of reconciliation.  My husband and I also counseled with our pastor and another elder for about 8 months, and although there was good counsel that came of it, we felt a bias was present even from these individuals who we assumed would be above this. I do not say this to sway you from going to your church for help, because I think it’s a great, and for the most part, safe place to seek help. In fact that’s the first place we turned!  I say this only to point out that church leaders are human and can be swayed by emotion and outside influences.

Bottom line, you NEED to talk about what you are going through; how you got there; and where you go from here.  Please don’t bottle it up inside, but as you seek out who you will open up to, ask God to direct your path and present who He feels would be best for your situation.  Remember, He loves YOU as dearly as anyone of His other children and wants what is best for His lovely daughter.

God’s Promise – A Full Life

dark valley

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”     John 10:10

Sin does not sideline you from God’s promises.  Despite Satan’s best efforts, I came to understand that even I, a wretched sinner, an adulteress, was still able to stand on the promises of my heavenly Father.  I had to force the venomous words of Satan from my head that was trying to convince me that I was no longer eligible for God’s goodness; that access was denied and I was forever to be on the outside looking in on those who were partaking in a large feast of God’s amazing plan.  During these spiritual battles, I had to cling to His promise that I would have a life beyond my horrible sin.  But not just a mere existence…but a FULL life.  How good He is!  How so very merciful, and loving, and forgiving, and beautiful He is.  It makes me cry in humility.

Please my beloved sister, don’t despair.  I know you see nothing but ruin in this valley you are currently in, but our Savior sees over this mountain and knows what’s ahead.  You don’t need to know the how or the when; it’s not for you to figure out.  You just need to stick close to the feet of Jesus and study His Word, the keeper of His promises, and talk with Him throughout your day, and He will guide you through and give you hope.

Listing the Consequences of Adultery

Did I ever tell you that prior to my affair, when I was only just starting to slide down the slippery slope, I actually made a list of foreseeable consequences born from committing adultery, in order to keep myself in check?  I formulated the list by what I witnessed another in my church was experiencing due to his poor choices of the same sin.  Unfortunately, my pride and Satan’s lies, helped me to discount the probability of my sins being outed or being so bad, so the chances of ever experiencing those consequences were soon minimized.  My desperate and feeble attempt to keep myself from succumbing to a physical affair proved futile.  The collection of consequences, instead of being a lifesaving list, became a sheet of shame as it was one of the last things I pulled out of my desk at work as I was packing up my office because I had lost my job due to my affair being uncovered.

So, why do I bring this up.  In the throws of pain following my affair, I wanted so desperately to warn others of this horrible path so I tossed around the idea of writing a book that takes an in depth look at the consequences that may not be so apparent from the sunny side of the slope.  However, because of my own failure to ignore warnings and fear potential consequences, I had this nauseous feeling that others would ignore the weary-wise words of another and would have to learn the hard way.

THAT BEING SAID however, IF a thoughtful list of consequences were penned, what would I be sure to include?  What would YOU feel was important to include?  Again, the target audience would be those contemplating an affair or already snagged in one.  What consequences would truly speak to the one standing at the fork in the road?  Or what reasons may draw someone out of adultery?  I will start posting my inclusions in days to come, but would like to hear from others who know from first hand experience.

Manna – Redemption of Failures

Still Waters

[Sent by Mom from her devotional reading out of Springs in the Desert by Mrs Charles E. Cowman for December 26.  It’s a truthful and impactful reminder that God is greater than my greatest failures and as Eccl 3:11 promises “He has made all things beautiful in His time.” (or from my earthly, time-driven perspective He will make all things beautiful…) ]

Psalms 27:6  “And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me.”

“There is an old Scottish mansion quite close to where I have a little summer home in the north of Scotland, which has in it a room noted for the sketches and pictures that from time to time have been drawn upon the walls by visiting artists.  It is a room to which people came from the ends of the world, and it all began in this way.

That room had been redecorated…

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He Left the 99… for me

Still Waters

by Marilou Schnaderbeck

A couple of years ago I was reeling from a monstrous failure on my part.  Oh…to even begin to remember how I felt then makes my heart ache… back in that place of spiritual destitution, hopelessness, and thinking because I did this to myself I deserved nothing more (which is true).  I was in such a wretched state; a pit of despair.  Although I have never had a good self-image, this failure did NOTHING to help, because what self-worth I did have was approval-based, and now that I had done this horrible thing, well… I was worth-less…I was nothing…I had no ones approval.  In my mind, I had slumped from all ‘regular society’ and would never again walk among the living, the respected, the purposed, the loved …

I thought a lot about those I had hurt and knew God loved them-they were the victims and they deserved and greatly needed a…

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Self-Inflicted Wound

Still Waters

By Marilou Schnaderbeck

We were spending a lovely evening at a friend’s lake home (beautiful weather, no bugs, water gently lapping the shore) when we decided s’mores were in order!  We were short on roasting sticks, so being the problem solver that I am I determined we would hunt for just the right kind and whittle a functional point on the end that would accommodate a marshmallow.  After acquiring some sticks I started whittling away, being deliberate to move the knife in an outward direction, however this was not producing the results quick enough for me.  Despite the fact that my dad’s voice, (along with all other dads’ voices throughout the history of time) could be heard in my head saying “don’t turn the blade toward you”, I did.  It doesn’t matter how I was justifying my foolishness, but doing it the right way was taking too long and was…

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If you were to die today…

Still Waters

If you were to die today, do you know where you will be spending eternity?  There are two options…Heaven or Hell.  I want to share with you some of what the Bible says about it.

1 John 5:11-13“And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. So whoever has God’s Son (Jesus) has life; whoever does not have His Son does not have life. I write this to you who believe in the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life” (NLT).

God wants us to know we have eternal life. These verses clearly share that those who have believed in Jesus Christ and accepted Him as their personal savior have eternal life. Eternal life is just that — eternal.

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor…

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God is with you… in the dark places

Still Waters

Three different times I begged God to make me well again. Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities.  Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite happy about “the thorn,” and about insults and hardships, persecutions and difficulties; for when I am weak, then I am strong—the less I have, the more I depend on him.      2 Corinthians 12:8-10 [TLB]

I’ve been in dark places emotionally and spiritually, even physically where I also have BEGGED God to deliver me; make me better because I felt existing in my current state for the next 5 minutes, let alone another day/week/month was going to crush me. Because…

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There is Hope

Still Waters

Are you feeling hopeless?  If so, my heart aches for you; it sincerely does.  It’s a drowning existence.  It feels defeating, crushing, so lonely, insurmountable, futureless, dreamless, painful, unchangeable, boxed in…take your pick or choose them all.  The pain is intense and thoughts can become dark and desperate.

The enemy of your soul, Satan, wants you to believe that nothing will ever get better.  Satan wants you to believe that this chaotic situation you are in is beyond fixing and no matter what you do, things will only get worse. He wants you to focus on this cloud of depression you live in day after day and that it will never go away and the only way to obtain the peace you’ve been longing for is in death.   Satan’s goal is to isolate you and make you think your family and friends would be just fine without you; that it would actually be better for them.  Please do not listen to him…IT…

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The Lord your God Himself fights for you

Still Waters

“And the Lord said to me, See, I have begun to give Sihon and his land over to you.  Begin to possess it, that you may inherit his land.  Then Sihon and all his people came out against us to fight…and the Lord our God delivered him over to us…We took all his cities…and we utterly destroyed the [people]..we left none remaining…there was not one city too strong for us; the Lord our God delivered all to us….Your eyes have seen all that the Lord your God has done to these kings; so will the Lord do to all the kingdoms through which you pass.   You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you.”  Selections from Deuteronomy 2:26-3:22.

In my prayerful search to find a nugget of truth about courage, I unintentionally ended up at the above passage. ( I believe I was aiming for Deut. 31:6. THANK YOU…

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